theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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