he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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