I think my fart just growled at me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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