Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize