Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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