those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize