that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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