Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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