just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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