the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize