the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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