Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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