last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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