Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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