I wish my penis had an off switch
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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