Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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