lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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