You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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