im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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