Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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