my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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