he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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