If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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