U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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