Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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