I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize