We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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