I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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