You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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