new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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