And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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