I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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