I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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