Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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