okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm like, not good at living.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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