He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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