If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize