Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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