My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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