You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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