broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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