Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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