Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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