I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize