I love black thongs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
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He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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