I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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