checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My pussy is not your playground.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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