Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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