Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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