I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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